It is amazing to me how much
my mental state has changed over the past year. There is something about the possibility of infertility that will send your mind into a tailspin. No matter what your specific situation is, or how long you’ve been going through it, your emotions and thoughts are bound to fluctuate. That is where communication is key. Communication is important in all aspects of dealing with fertility problems, from communicating with your doctor and nurses (more on this later) to communicating with your partner. One thing that many people forget or struggle with, is communicating with others, such as family members, friends, or even strangers who are going through a similar experience.
When I was first diagnosed, I was confused and embarrassed. No one seemed to talk about fertility, especially at my age. My first thoughts were “how will I go through a cycle and not have my co workers notice?” or “what will I say to my friends when I can’t go out since I’ll have to be at home for my shots?”. All of the sudden you are carrying around the biggest, heaviest news and you’re “not supposed” to tell anyone.
For me, it was time that allowed me to let go of some of this fear, and if I could go back in time, I would tell myself to step out of my comfort zone and open up, people will be a lot more receptive and understanding than you think. As I slowly came to accept my diagnosis (after months of random, middle of the night cry sessions – although let’s be honest, those still occur from time to time), I slowly opened up to people around me and it was the biggest relief. For so many months my friends would ask me how I was doing and I would force myself to say “great!” or “all is good”, while inside I felt absolutely terrible and like everything was wrong.
As I learned more about my own fertility and the problems I was going through, I realized how many women are going through this and how many feel so alone. I also realized it was a gift that I was diagnosed so early on in life, and I’m sure there are many women who would benefit from getting tested in their 20’s instead of waiting. As this new mindset began to sink in, I started to feel more and more comfortable with my situation. Instead of the worst thing in the world, it became a hand that I was dealt and something I needed to work through and deal with. I slowly started to tell me friends what was going on, not only to have someone to vent to, but to help spread the word.
I knew I had really made some progress when I had accidentally scheduled dinner plans with friends during a night when I had to do my shots during my latest cycle (March 2016). In the past I would have cancelled in a heartbeat to avoid the awkwardness of leaving early or explaining our situation, but for some reason I felt different this time. I was really excited to see our friends and I didn’t want my “situation” to get in the way of my life. I quickly decided to put my meds on an ice pack, grab some needles and bring it all with me! When we arrived I quickly explained the situation and that Jason (my fiance) and I would have to step away for a few min to do the shots. Not only did they totally understand and support us, but they were glad we told them and decided to come.